Beer Never Broke My Heart

Top Ten Reasons the Beaver Loves Beer

1. Beer never ghosted him — it just slowly got warm.
2. It listens better than any bard, and burps with better timing.
3. Always cold. Always bold. Never told him to “settle down.”
4. Beer doesn’t ask questions — it answers them with confidence and poor decisions.
5. It’s the only relationship he’s ever had that came in a keg.
6. Beer doesn’t argue, doesn’t nag, and never “just wants to talk.”
7. Foam on top. Gold in the middle. Regret at the bottom — just the way he likes it.
8. It’s seen him cry, bleed, and sing naked… and still came back the next round.
9. Beer doesn't cheat — unless it’s with whiskey, and he forgives that.
10. Because every pint is proof that happiness can be poured, toasted, and chugged.